Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Call Me, Maybe

A real conversation in our house last night

Cim: Look at Katherine's baby. She has huge lips.

Laura: (knowing that Katherine and James have recently moved to Alaska and noticing the dark hair and complexion of the big-lipped child) Wow.. Those ARE big. Is that kid Inuit?

Cim: Her name is Maybe.

Laura: ...


Laura: Like, as in "Call me Maybe?"

Cim: (unphased) Yep.

Linda: (just got off phone and joins conversation) Whose kid is that?

Laura: (Ignores Linda's question because)That is not RIGHT. That poor kid is going to need so much therapy. That kid is going to be saddled with that Carly Rae Mae Dingdoodle Jensen Hansen Jepsen song for the rest of her natural born life!

Linda: That's like the Jones (a family we knew shooting for a dozen kids and giving each one a worse name than the one before.)

Laura: I'd rather the kid be named Sohpronia Sassafras Seven-Up Sapphire Jones than MAYBE!

Linda: She's never going to hear the end of it in elementary school. (Mimics holding out a piece of paper) "Here's my number, so call me, Maybe."

Cim: Laura, it's okay. I have no room to talk. My name is Cinnamon, for crying in the night. I'm named after a SPICE. Mission Impossible, anyone?

Laura: No, that's completely different. Not the same. At least your name is a noun!

Cim: No, it's the same! I have a ridiculous name!

Laura: (voice increasing gradually in volume) No, yours is normal. I mean, they might as well have named her Yes or Stopdigginginit! This is a horrible thing to do to a child! And you know that Katherine and James think they're all cool all, "Ooooh look at us haha we're so cool we named our kid Maybe ha ha ha!" (Trails off as she realizes ...)

Cim and Linda: (collapsed in hysterical, wheezing laughter) Bwhahahaha! "Stopdigginginit!" Is that one name or four? Is it Stopdigging Init? Or Stoppdigginginit? "Hey, c'mere, Stopdigginginit!" Bwhahahaha!

For the record, one of my best friends does have an unusual name. I have known her for about half of my life. Because of that, I have tried to be sensitive to people with unusual names. I have seen how many people have cocked an eyebrow at her and smirked, "Cinnamon, huh? Wow. Were your parents hippies/strippers/druggies?" Or they'll start singing that awful "Cinn-a-moooooonnnnnn" song to her, which makes everyone cringe. Stop, please. Just stop. I am in a position to meet many people in any given week. I try to curb my own raised eyebrows and just smile, accepting that there are many reasons for people having the names they do.

But honestly. What kind of sicko whack-job does that crap to their kids? I get that you want your kid to be unique and stand out from a crowd. And with such ordinary names as Katherine and James "Smith," out of the ordinary can be a good thing. But MAYBE???

I hope that kid gets emancipated as soon as possible and moves far, far away.

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