Friday, May 16, 2003

If Ah-nuld Were President

If Arnold Schwarzanegger were president of the United States, how cool would that be? A few things would change around the White House, I’ll tell you that much. For the first time in history, the President and First Wife would be from two separate parties. Congress wouldn’t have very much to complain about anymore — both major parties would be fairly represented. A Kennedy would be back in office again. Not only that, but chances are pretty good that no one would want to assassinate this one.

Fat would not be allowed. Not fat on people or fat people, because then I would totally be an illegal and the INS would be after me, but fatty foods. No more doughnuts, which might not be such a great thing, but in the long run, couldn’t hurt. Exercise would be required. Not for distance or strength, just do your best. Be as fit as you can. Okay, maybe a little chocolate cake, but let’s balance it out with some MetRX.

Since he’s so wealthy, Arnold wouldn’t have to take money from third parties to represent their interests. Yes, like Reagan he’d be made fun of for some pretty bad movies (think “Last Action Hero,” or “Conan,” which might not really count since he wasn’t allowed to speak back then), but there’s some pretty good ones too. Instead of saluting him, you can say good bye with a simple, “Hasta la vista, baby.”

Or should that be, “Hasta la vista, Chief”? as in “Hail to the”?

The biggest question is, who would be his running mate? Things could certainly be shaken up if Maria were the vice-president. Is it even allowed to have the vice- and president be from different parties? Think of the money that could be saved for the conventions – instead of having two separate ones and having to worry about national security, just combine the two of them. Have it in Philadelphia, the original home of Brotherly Love.

That’d be cool. Not to mention the inherent coolness of having a woman vice-president.

Jesse Ventura would be put in charge of the CIA, for obvious reasons. I mean really, would you want to mess with that wacko? Saddam and Osama would really have something to fear then. Wouldn’t those muscles be intimidating to terrorists? And he wouldn’t just spy on you, but afterwards would pick you up and heft you over his head, twirl you around a few times, throw you to the ground and jump on you a couplla times.

What about Hulk Hogan, you ask? Would there be any place for him in the cabinet? Nah, I don’t think so. He’d insist on bringing along that annoying puppet Alf from those long-distance commercials, and that’d just be ugly.

Before spiraling too far down on the wrestling mat of what-ifs and losing all hope for the future White House and cabinet, let’s focus on a happier note. No more stuffy state dinners with boring appetizers and entrees. Remember Planet Hollywood? That themed restaurant that was oh-so-cool in the 90s? Arnold could bring his pals Bruce, Demi and, oh, who was that other guy? Oh right, Sly Stallone. Anyway, all those Hollywood has-beens (or never-weres) would experience a resurgence of popularity. Maybe they could be members of the cabinet in some capacity or other.

Ahh. Hollywood and the WWF take over Washington. Hasta la vista, politics. Let the good times roll.

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Small Guilty Update

I have been far too lazy about this lately. It's a flaw of mine -- if I'm not feeling up to the witty, insightful prose standards required by my own insane (inane? Amazing what a difference a letter makes.) mind, then I choose to not write at all.

Or, I have too many things to write about, then get overwhelmed and choose to not write at all.

Either way, it's been too long.

I have been inspired to update because I got a new subscriber to my blog! (Note to self, find out what "blog" means. I keep seeing this on other on-line journal sites and know it's a term for "on-line journal," but am not sure why/how.)

(Answered note to self: "blog" is not an acronym, as I first suspected, but is short for "Weblog." Whew. Mystery solved. However, I must correct my earlier assumption that it only means on-line journal. This is from Yahoo: "Weblogs and online journals are often confused, and they can frequently overlap in content and style. But purists point out that a person writing in an online journal or diary is logging their life, not the Web. Weblogs still exist to log what's going on around the World Wide Web.")

Where was I? Oh, yes. Welcome to my new subscriber! This makes a grand total of two of you! Actually, I think it's probably just one, because the other one has never signed up for the updates; she just checks back to see when I've updated.

So much for being loved from afar.

Just to get the update going so I don't procrastinate anymore, here are some of the highlights from the last few weeks:

I have a new boss! Yay! Sadly, the old one hasn't left, but she now mercifully leaves me alone, even to the point of ignoring me. She may think she's proving a point of how she's moving on to other things, but the only point I think it proves is what an immature dolt she really is. At any rate, happiness now reigns at work as I report to a different person for the first time in 2 1/2 years. At first glance, he doesn't appear to be psychotic in any way, so we're already off to a great start. At second glance (not really, but you know what I mean) he's male, which is already offering up all sorts of different dynamics than what I've had to accustom myself to in dealing with my former boss. Everything's much less emotional on both sides, which is good. At work, at least.

I took a short vacation (because is any vacation ever long enough) during spring break. Linda and I spent a couple of days in Las Vegas for a friend's wedding, then we took our time driving up through southern Utah, stopping for the night at Zion National Park, then a few days further north to visit various family and friends. We were there to celebrate my dad's 85th birthday which isn't until June, but it was when all 6 of us siblings and some of the grandchildren could all be there. With that many people in the equation, you celebrate when you can, so we did. The next day, my dad had hip replacement surgery, which thankfully went very well, and I fully expect him to outlive all of us now.

I've spent the last school year in training to become a full-time teacher. I have been teaching an early-morning high school aged class on a voluntary basis for the past 4 years, and this past year has been spent fine tuning those skills, learning new ones, and being evaluated for full-time employment. The last stage of evaluations got canceled just recently, so my hopes of moving onto something new have been, if not dashed, definitely let down. The good news is that I haven't been outright rejected, merely rolled into the pool for next year. I'm still hopeful that it will work out eventually. I'm not looking forward to another school year full of waking up at

4:30 a.m.
and working all day long from there. But, I've done it this long, I don't think another year will kill me. It may turn me into a sleep-deprived raving lunatic, but that's already a fine line I walk.

I suppose that's it, for now. I'm boring myself, and it's my life, so I can only imagine what I'm doing to my faithful audience of two. But I won't apologize -- that would unfaithful to my primary pledge of doing this -- to be honest without considering audience expectations or my own boring life. Okay, I can apologize for the boredom.

Hey! Wake up!

Things I need to write about soon: Made-up words/phrases used inappropriately at work; the singles' dance I may/may not be attending tonight; the boy I had a crush on all throughout high school and how I'm meeting up with him in two weeks after not having seen him for 12 years; and how my friend Wendy keeps me regular.

Yes, I knew that last one would reel you in.