Thursday, November 16, 2006

Why I Love the Internet

I get a lot of junk mail sent to me. Who doesn't? I mean, no matter how many times you check that box on a company's website to agree that they won't sell your address or use it for otherwise nefarious purposes, someone somewhere is trolling cyberspace for email addresses and mine hits the jackpot every time. I usually send them directly to my junk folder hoping that the email domain gods will prevent that address from spamming me again.

Today, though, I opened one. And am I ever glad I did! It made me laugh out loud -- the poor grammar, spelling mistakes and above all, the naive possibility that someone will actually fall for this scheme. He's dressed it up a bit trying to disguise it for what it is, but a scam is a scam is spam.

Enjoy your laugh for the day. I've taken the liberty of adding my commentary in italics.

You received the following message from: kwaussi (

From Edwin Kwaussi
Avenue 5 Lot 172 Cocody Quarters
Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire
+225 0619 3223
I'm including the address headers and all of his personal information just in case anyone would like to take him up on his offer.

Good day Dear One, He doesn't even know me! He must really love me already to call me this.

Greetings and How are you today,I am Edwin Kwaussi Hello, Edwin. It's very nice to meet you. I wish you knew about the joys of puncuation along with salutations. I would like you to permit me to apply through this medium for your co-operation and to secure an opportunity to invest and do joint relationship and business with you in your country.
I have a substantial capital I honourably Inherited from my late father late Chief Marcel Kwaussi Ooh! A chief, was he? This is getting better and better! who deal in Cocao-coffee platation that must be that rare art form of making plates out of coffee. Hard to do but oh so delicious. and share from family Gold, diamond Minining site.The Epmgigo rebels killed Him recently in poltical crisis in our country that have resulted to war since this past two years. I've never heard of a family Gold, diamond minining site. I wonder what type of industry that is exactly?
I intend to invest this money in profitable areas in your country into a very lucratives business venture of which you are to advise and execute the said venture over there for the mutual benefits of both of us . More profitable and lucratives than Gold and diamond minining?
Most especially is for you to help me come over to your base if possible for You I like being referred to with the capitalization of "You." It makes me feel so....royal. be able co-operate with me to become my business partner in your country and create ideas on how money will be invested, properly managed and the type of investment after the money is transferred to your custody with your assistance. I wonder what he would say if I said I wanted to invest his Gold and diamond minining money in gold and diamonds? I inherited this sum from my late father whom the rebels killed because he was not supporting their selfish intrest to topple the president Gbagbo the present president. Punctuation not withstanding, he's got some alliteration skills.
Meanwhile, on indication of your willingness to handle this transaction sincerely by protecting my Interests and upon your acceptance of this proposal.I would furnish you with the full detailed information, procedure, amount involve is below and we shall mutually agree on your percentage interest or share holding for helping me to secure the release of the deposit and investing the fund into a lucratives profitable venture in your care.It is The sum of Eight Million,Five Hundred Thousand USD $8.500.000USD I shall be glad to reserve this respect and opportunity for you, if you so desire, but do urge you to give the matter your immediate attention it deserves.I want you to be rest assured that everything is in order and legitimate of course it is it was due to the political crisis in our country that have resulted to war which cause everybody to find a way to get out the country, that make's me to use this medium to request for your assistance hoping that you will not let me down. It appears that Edwin is also discovering the joys of the internet. Alas, I don't think it will net him the same humorous results it is for me. This money is legitimately acquired by my late father from sales of cocoa-coffee and diamond dealings. The gold! What about the gold? And the minining? And shouldn't his father's village (I assume it's a village since he is the honorable chief) have some say-so in this matter? I wonder what my percentage of the cut would be? Eight million bucks is nothing to sneeze at. But half of percent of that is very sneeze worthy. Looking forward to your prompt response
Thanks and God bless
Edwin Kwaussi.


Let's just see how legitimate this all is, shall we? Among the other joys of the internet is the power of Google. Let's start with the country name Edwin gives us, Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire. When I actually take the time to read it, it appears that it could be French for Ivory Coast. So far, so good. I've heard of that.

Next, President Gbagbo. Wikipedia gives some interesting information on him, confirming that his rise to power has been achieved by questionable means.

But anyone can figure that much out. Like me. Let's try the hard stuff. Starting with the supposed rebels, the Epmgigo. Now things start to look a little bit questionable. The only hits I get on that are ones that appear to refer back to this same letter. I'm starting to get a bad feeling about this!

How about something truly unique -- his father's name. When I google that as spelled in this email, Google thoughtfully asks me, "Did you mean Chief Marcel Kwasi?" And the only link is one to a forum where this same letter is being discussed.

Oh, Edwin. I'm so disappointed. You called me dear one, you said you were reserving this opportunity for me, and now I see that you've cybercheated on me. Is that even your name, Edwin? Is your father really a chief specializing in cacao/coffee, Gold and diamond minining? I'm not sure I can trust you anymore. Please consider this my response: