Being censored by my boss Crazy Pants (my new nickname for her) all day every day means I spend each day exercising a great deal of verbal self-restraint. Biting my tongue. Keeping my mouth shut. Not speaking my mind. Thinking before I speak. In other words, doing things that are very much out of character for me. It's a daily exhausting mental exercise.
When not at work and back among people I trust and like, my mouth shifts into third gear and I forget to censor myself. Two examples from the group fitness class I taught after a full day of being censured:
1. We were doing leg/glute stretches at the end of class. I encouraged the class to deepen and intensify the effects of the stretch by sitting into it more. I was trying to describe what the more intense variation of the stretch should feel like, so naturally the exact wrong thing came out of my mouth: "You should feel that go right up your butt." Pause. "Did that sound as bad as I think it did?" No one answered because they were laughing too hard.
2. Doing another stretch which involved leaning forward from the stationary bike and letting it anchor you. The bikes are heavy enough to support a person's weight during this stretch, but there's one guy in my class who always let's the bike tip forward slightly-probably more to scare me a but than for any stretching benefits. There were some new people in the class who I could tell were hesitant to fully believe that the bikes wouldn't topple on top of them. I said, "Trust the bikes. They will support your weight. Unless you're Matt." Pause. "I did NOT just call you fat, Matt!" After class, Matt said, "What was that younger saying about my large child-bearing hips?"
So I haven't quite gotten the whole think-before-you-speak thing down yet, but I'm working on it! Meanwhile, tonight was one of the most fun and funniest classes I've taught in awhile. I'll take that over being well-haved, prim and proper anytime.
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