10.The paycheck. It's not huge, but it's enough to pay rent and bills and go to a movie or play just about whenever I want. In my definition, the benefits also include paid vacation, health/dental benefits, 401k plan, etc.
9. Muffins and bagels on Fridays. Need I say more?
8. High speed internet access. In reality, I have this at home too, but this way I get paid for surfing the web and emailing my friends and updating my blog!
7. When people use ironic phrases unironically, it makes me laugh.
I was meeting with a salemsan from a prospective vendor the other day, who said, "We're called the 'Switzerland' of this type of software since our product interacts so well with other similar products. Well, we don't call ourselves 'Switzerland,' but our clients do."
But...didn't you just...call yourself .... Switzerland?
6. Access to the dumbest-person-in-the-world's calendar I've referred to this before here, but some of the most recent entries include: wondering why she has to meet two times a week with the vice president of her division for an hour each. TWO TIMES A WEEK. Did I mention that? And apparently they always use the full hour. We have fun speculating about what they could be talking about, and how did she really get her job....? Hmmmm.
She also put on her calendar a meet-and-greet with the new CFO of our company. Following is an email exchange between Kathy and me about who that was and why she had it on her calendar. It was wedged between all her other meet-n-greet appointments, so it looked like it might have just been another run of the mill meeting.
Kathy: Can you give me a plausible explanation as to why Karen would be meeting with this guy later this week?!?
Laura: They've scheduled a meet/greet on Thursday -- my guess it's more of an open house where you stroll by and meet the guy. Sadly (heh) I'm in an Access class that day.
Leave it to The Brainiac to make it look all important like she's actually meeting WITH him, as opposed to getting a gander AT him.
Kathy: Ohhhhhhh, THAT guy. Stupid stupid me. I didn't even recognize his name. Dang, I was going to go at that time too. Well, maybe I'll still go and openly snub her. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Remember those stupid "Date with Diane" breakfast things we had to go to at our last job? I remember when Karen was scheduled to go to one, and she called some user and said she couldn't make their meeting because she had a meeting with a vice president scheduled for the same time.
She really annoys me!
Laura: Only "annoys" you? I pretty much hate her, I think.
Kathy: She annoys me and I hate her. Sorry I didn't make that clearer!
Laura: (wickedly includes a picture of the annoying and hateful Karen) I rezent beeing called "annoyng". Cause I am fun and I rilly do know vice presdents and stuff.
Kathy: Lord have mercy I jumped when that image popped up. I'm still feeling a tad queasy.
Her resume is so full of b.s. that I'm surprised she hasn't listed VP as one of her past jobs!
I wood list VP as one of my pass jobs if I new how to spel it.
5. Having met wonderful people who challenge me and make me laugh (in a good way) as illustrated with Kathy, above. Speaking of which, she and I really had a fun time analysing Karen's resume when it just happened to fall into our hands. Good times. I'm still chuckling about the pack of lies contained in that gem.
4. Other stupid people. Or people who may otherwise be good at what they do but make mistakes that make me laugh. For example: I've been harassing our different IT people for close to a year to do something about their outdated NT servers since there is no longer any standard vendor maintenance available for them and the cost to be have vendor maintenance on an unsupported server is extremely high and getting higher.
So, I've been harassing these people to upgrade or move off their servers....NOW! One of them tried pushing back to say he didn't think it was reasonable for us to get charged that much, to which I replied, reasonableness (is that a made up word?) doesn't really play into this right now. It is what it is, and if you want to be connected to the network, you have to pay the price.
I just received an email from him:
[My assistant] is putting together a project plan to move those applications to a different server by mid-June. Resources are being lined up. We will make it happen. We can get off of these servers by June 31st.
Oh, my goodness! I've been laughing and giggling ever since! I can't tell if he really means June 30, or if this is just his way of saying no way are they going to do this! I just sent him a note: "Not to be nitpicky or anything, but I hope you mean June 30th."
3. Since I'm still laughing about that other one, I can't really think of something for this slot.
2. Dang! And now I have to get back to work....
1. Reserved for something really great.