That Thing You Do

Remember that great TV show, "Third Rock from the Sun"? One of the funniest moments was was when Dick and Mary were in bed together lamenting the fact that the excitement was gone from their sex life. Dick thought maybe they should just move on since they knew everything there was to know about each other. Just then, Mary pooted in bed, and Dick got very excited.


"Mary, did you just...FART? Why, that's marvelous!" and their romance continued because they realized there was still lots of things they didn't know about each other.


The other day I was teasing my BFF about the fact that she's never tooted in front of me. She's very proper (some may even say prim, but I know her better than that), so that's pretty much an unthinkable thing to do in her book. It took her years before she could even do that in front of her husband! She's also a clogger. Dancer. That will actually play into th estory a little later.


I was laughing telling her about being at work the other day and grateful that no one else was in the restroom since, well, nature called and the bear had to go in the woods. Or something like that. At any rate, I was in the restroom and it was a little...well, the smell was evidence of what I had just done. As I was flushing the toilet, I was making plans to go grab the spray off the counter and try to cover up the smell so the next person didn't have to deal with it. I had just grabbed the spray and spritzed it in the stall, when in walked someone from my team.


Now there's no disguising what I've been doing. I can't even pretend innocence by wrinkling my nose and waving my hand in front of my face in a "Can you believe what the person before just did? Sheesh!" sort of a way. She's on my TEAM, for crying in the night, and I've been caught red, er, spray-handed. So I just smiled weakly and said, "Hi, Liz," before walking out.


My BFF was totally cracking up, because honestly, who doesn't love a good story where the embarassing thing has happened to someone else?


Then, between giggles so it made it a little hard to understand, she said something along the lines of, "Oh this one time (somethinggigglesnortgiggle) clogging..." And I nodded emphatically in agreement and said, "Oh, I KNOW! Isn't that the WORST? It's all clogged and you have to call building maintenance because even though you don't want to admit it was YOU you can't really leave it there for the next person and it won't flush and go down and you're just praying it WILL eventually so it doesn't overflow..." then tapered off because I realized she was laughing again, only this time more AT me than in agreement.


And she said, "Well, yeah, that's never quite happened to me. What I was trying to say was, this one time when I was CLOGGING, I had to go to the bathroom...."


"Oh, yeah, I totally knew that's where you were going with that. That other thing I was just talking about? I've only ever heard about it from other people -- it's never actually happened to ME."


...Yeah right.