Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Water in the Air, AKA Rain

Qwendy: Is it raining up there yet?

EllJayPea: No. it doesn't look like it's going to. It’s quite hilarious, really, since that’s all anyone’s been talking about for hours now.

Qwendy: Yes, it’s quite sunny here, too.

EllJayPea: While it's still dry, maybe I'll run to the store and stock up on canned goods and water. Because I won't be able to get water later on.

Qwendy: I already stocked up on the essentials -- Diet Pepsi, Kit Kats, and Valium.

EllJayPea: Ooh! Do you take valium? I didn't know this about you!

Qwendy: I have taken valium. I love valium, but don't allow it in the house for the reason that I LOVE valium.

EllJayPea: I took it once prior to oral surgery. It didn't really do anything.

Qwendy: I had it prior to oral surgery as well and after it took effect, I grabbed the dentist and said, slurring more than usual, "This is going to be wonderful."

EllJayPea: Hee! That must have caused some eyebrows to raise!

Qwendy: Okay, so I'm watching the local ABC station, with their new radar system, Doppler 7 Thousand.

EllJayPea: What does Doppler 7 million have to say for itself? Have they zoomed in on streets with a trace of precipitation (fog) yet?

Qwendy: So far

Santa Barbara
is being bombarded with this storm, as it quickly moves towards pummeling the Southland. Santa Barbara is reporting .0000000000000000001 in precipitation, and there are strong winds with this storm. Somewhere close to 2 mph

EllJayPea: Wow. Two miles per hour. I can fly a kite! But the “storm” is late. How come Doppler 7 better-than-anyone-else-thousand didn't target the rain arrival time better?

Qwendy: I dunno. Supposedly it will hit Orange County at 4 p.m

EllJayPea: Ooh. Prepare for the worst, OC.

Qwendy: We’re on flash flood watch from 4 to 7.

EllJayPea: Excellent.

Qwendy: The newscaster just said, "We are going to get through this. Just repeat that over and over... to help you get through this storm.” People.. . it's RAIN. FREAKING RAIN!

EllJayPea: Oh. My. Gosh.

Qwendy: It's like...standing in the shower, only outside.

EllJayPea: Water falls from the sky and people are panicking.

Qwendy: That's it. I'm moving.

EllJayPea: To? Where it rains and people don't freak out? Washington?

Qwendy: Away from stupid people.

EllJayPea: Can you imagine the weather forecaster scene in Washington? Sundar 7 Million. "It's going to be sunny today.but don't worry, if we all help each other we can make it through this!”

Qwendy: “People, be prepared to seek shade at a moment’s notice!”

EllJayPea: “I know we don't see it very often, but it's something called SUNLIGHT. Drive carefully out there! It won't last long! The roads will be dry. Repeat: The. Roads. Will. Be. Dry.”

Qwendy: Hee! Okay, we need to move and start our own town: Smartsville.

EllJayPea: How about Alaska? I hear there’re lots of men there. Single men. Oh. Only I guess that's not a criteria for you so much.

Qwendy: Oh now, we can have lots of men in Alaska, or in Smartsville. Well, it depends. In Smartsville, is there an opportunity for "open relationships?"

EllJayPea: Not yet. Sorry. Ooh! But today in class, my kids today wanted to know why men in the Bible were allowed to have lots of wives and concubines, but women couldn’t. I said, "Think about it. Do you really want more than one?"

Qwendy: Oohhh. Santa Clarita just reported rain according to Doppler – 7-Dumbsville. But I can't believe they interrupted Judge Judy for that! They've really got to straighten out their priorities!

* * * 30 Minutes Later * * *

EllJayPea: Oh, my gosh. The most awful thing just happened.

Qwendy: What?! I’m sitting down. Petting my hand.

EllJayPea: I was outside. I had to go across the street for a meeting

Qwendy: Ooohhhkaaaay. . .?

EllJayPea: Everyone in the lobby was talking about the rain and wanting to know if it had started yet. When I went across the street, it was dry. DRY! Then I came back, and guess what? There was this stuff, it was wet, like water, falling out of the sky. Some of it actually HIT ME ON THE FACE! And HEAD!!!! I just didn't know what to do! I mean, it was like being in the shower, only not naked! And I didn't know what to do!

Qwendy: Oh MY! You POOR thing!

EllJayPea: So, I did what any normal red-blooded Californian would do in this case.

Qwendy: you ran around screaming?

EllJayPea: I took off my clothes. And danced. Was that wrong?

Qwendy: No! That's perfect!

EllJayPea: Seriously, when I was leaving, everyone was talking about the rain like it was terrorist attack or something.

Qwendy: No way. They were not! Were they?

EllJayPea: Seriously!

Qwendy: Oh my goodness.

EllJayPea: Then, when I came back, and it was actually, you know, RAINING!, everyone was all, "It's raining!"

Qwendy: [*pounding head on desk.. muttering why oh why are people so dumb*/]

EllJayPea: Just now, one of my aisle-work-mates, who has a window view, says, "It's raining, folks."

Qwendy: Huh. So, it's raining, and? Your point would be?

EllJayPea: So, it ought to hit you, according to Doppler 7Why-are-people-so-small-minded-Million, in about a half hour. BEWARE!

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