Wednesday, September 3, 2003

Not So New Job

In no particular order and because I feel slightly guilty that it's been so long since I've posted anything, here are some random thoughts about the new job (not so new anymore), life and a brief it's back-to-school-time essay on how-I-spent-my-summer-vacation. Also, maybe more randomness on my life as an LDS singleton in her mid-to-late 30s. Oh no! More "late" than "mid-to", really. On second thought, that entry may actually require a two-fer. It deserves its own plus a sequel. Actually, what really will get its own + part two is one of my latest forays into the world of internet dating. Sort of.

Enough procrastinating.

The job. All things considered, it is not bad. It's just so very different from what I've just come from that I believe I'm suffering from a bit of culture shock. My 8 to 5 life before was dictated by angry, selfish and basically stupid people who were driven by deadlines and their own insecurities which left them no alternative (to their small way of thinking) but to make me miserable also. They did this best by never acknowledging promptness, accuracy and intelligence; instead, hanging over my shoulder, criticizing and never trusting. I had daily headaches, neckaches and just you're-a-pain-in-my-butt aches.

My position now is newly created. Just for me. So new, in fact, that no one really knows what I'm supposed to be doing. There are no expectations. I have swung from one end of the pendulum to the other, and teetering on this new edge, am a bit unsure of myself. Is the pace here so much slower because that's just how things are? or is it because I really have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing? Let me be more accurate -- I have plenty of ideas as to what I'm supposed to be doing and how to succeed here, but this slower pace makes me feel very uncertain. It's a huge adjustment to just sssssllllllooooooooooowww dooooooowwwwwwwwwn.

Is this normal? Is this right? I don't know. From what I can tell from my new home here in cubicle-ville (that just means I get to eavesdrop on everyone's conversations; not because I want to but because I'd have to be deaf not to), everyone works at a different pace than what I'm used to. It's enough to make me feel a bit like I'm floundering -- not because I have too much to do, but because I don't have enough to do based on my old measuring standards.

Putting some serious thought into it all, I think the reason that the volume of work that is expected here is so much less than what I've been used to is because -- you just cannot get any work done. It's so DAMN NOISY in this cubicle farm. Even if I wanted to, even if I did have something to do, I wouldn't be able to because of everything going on constantly. Conversations, phone calls, people talking talking talking -- and this time I know they're not the voices in my head.

I mentioned something to my boss the other day about how I can hear everyone's conversations and that I'm not used to it. It's not actually impeding me or anything. Because there's nothing to impede me from.

There was an afternoon last week where all of us little cublicle gophers were ALL having a rowdy moment -- I was on a conference call trying to deal with an insurance company non-helpful lady, the next aisle over a there was a football betting discussion in progress, a guy from across the other aisle was on a conference call with my cubicle wall neighbor with one of the interns who just went back to school, stuff was going on in the aisle behind me, and it was just crazy, man.

Oh, and lots of "Man." "Okay, man." "Cool, man." "Dude, man." "Man, man."

All of these interns are so YOUNG and I'm so (apparently) OLD, it cracks me up listening to all their non-sequitirs and general immaturity. And I think, "I was never like that." Okay, I was, but not that I'd admit to anyone.

Mixed metaphors aside, everything is just fine, really. After I had been here for three weeks and still having no idea what the girl looks like who sits on the other side of my cube wall, I finally walked around the aisle to introduce myself to her. I figured it was about time, since I knew her social security number, home phone and address.

She went on vacation the next week.

I went on vacation the week after that.

Not a lot of opportunity for bonding there.

I think I may have also messed up further bonding moments when she was walking around the other morning offering candy bars to people. I called her "evil," "wicked" and "bad." I don't really see her as the devil incarnate, but really. Chocolate at ten in the morning? I don't need that kind of temptation that early in the day.

I might add that she's also as skinny as Ally McBeal. Sure, go ahead and offer us fat girls the chocolate. Nervy.

Other life news --

Yes, I took a vacation. Or a trip, if you want to qualify it that way. I drove up to Vancouver-ish, Washington, to go visit my sister and family in her new home. It was a lot of driving to get there (16 hours!), but well worth the trip.

I got to see parts of California that I've heard of but never seen. Driving through Shasta national forest and seeing the lake (ocean? it's huge!) and the actual mountain brought back memories from my childhood of church acquaintances saying they were going to Lake Shasta. I had no idea at the time what that really entailed. A boat was required, which I deduced from the word "lake," and that was a world I was never privvy to since my family didn't own a boat and never planned to (we were the "poor" family of our peers). What a drive! Beautiful, and long.

And now, having written this much, I remember that I actually did make a rather lame attempt at chronicling my vacation on my Palm, so will post the details separately.

It has taken me 1 hour and 20 minutes to write this much. How pathetic is that? Of course, I've been alternating the writing with playing solitaire (Three Shuffles and a Draw -- truly addictive and definitely not for the borderline OCD personalities, which I may be) and pretending to be working.

What a morning. Wow. So much accomplished. Very little of it having to do with the actualy weekly paycheck I draw. Ach, well. . .

No comments:

Post a Comment